2 Wheels 4 Girls

I feel that most of these rules can also be applied to daily life, on and off tour. Also, ladies, you can apply a lot of these rules to your own actions. Thank you.

First, approach with chivalry, a stoked attitude, smile, a beard of any type, and offer a beverage or snack. (A babe will NEVER think lesser of you for kindness.)

- Do not bitch about how she can not ride as hard or fast as you. Do not complain about having to wait up for her. If you have a problem, offer to take some of the weight in exchange for volume. Honestly, if someone offered to take my weight, I would probably say, “no”…but we’ll see how I handle that in any future situations.

- We are still women/ladies even though we may live like a beastly animal and be a babe. Please remember this and treat said babe as you would your sister or mother. We still have feelings.

- Approach the flat repair with care. If the babe is having a “bad day” she may snap if you offer help bc she may feel you are doubting her babe ability. If sheis having a good day, perhaps offer to change the flat but if she is a real babe, she can do it herself and as quickly. Depending on the situation. This is tricky…perhaps only offer help if the babe is getting frustrated and you can approach the situation without insulting her. Such as feeding a baby bear…

- Do not expect the babe to do the cooking and clean-up…you will get bitch slapped.

- Privacy for the daily “activities” is always appreciated. No PEEKING!

- When chillin’ in the hot springs/lakes/rivers…keep your eyes to yourself and behave. A little curiosity is okay, but don’t let the babe catch you. Don’t kid yourself and think the babe isn’t thinking about sneaking a peek.

- When we use our lady appeal to get situations taken care, freebies, or just takin’ care of business…please give us some thanks. Realize that we may feel like a cheap prostitute using our babe powers to get what we want. We will, in return, thank you when you whore yourself out as well.

- When said negotiating is taking place and the babe is responsible because of language skills DO NOT throw tantrums on the side line about the price. First, you will embarrass yourself and just frustrate the working lady. We have too much to deal with and we don’t need you over there behaving like a 7 year old. If we wanted to travel with kids, we would.

- Do not expect the babe to work her babe skills for negotiating/etc just b/c she is the babe. Although, if she is awesome, she will take up the challenge without a second thought. Both should know their skills and when to use them in the appropriate situation.

- NEVER EVER EVER…AND I REPEAT…NEVER…CAN I SAY THIS AGAIN…NEVER EVER doubt our map reading or navigational skills. You will see hell. (Ladies DO NOT LET ME DOWN…if you plan on riding…please rep us well.)

- When the babe tells locals that that you are married, for safety issues and just because it’s easier…please do not tell them you are not, later on while pointing in said babe’s direction giving a disgusted look and waving your hands around. (Locals do questions why a “couple” have separate tents. Now, I’m not sure what my reason was for that but I told them something. I experimented with all different situations of who we were, husband/wife or brother/sister seems to work the best.)

- If the babe has the language skills and is pulling your weight, do not give her shit in a restaurant or bus station when her reading skills are limited. How about this, for anyone, man or woman…show a little gratitude and thanks when someone is doing the best they can to take care of the team. This goes around for bike touring and life…again, don’t be a selfish jerk.

- Do not flirt with the local women so obviously (and borderline vulgar) in front of your partner. That makes her look like dog shit to most locals – it’s just down right insulting. Sure, we understand you have desires and wandering eyes…but just don’t do it so blatantly next to the lady. How about this, just be a damn gentleman to the local woman…that will take care of this point all together. Don’t be a douchey perv.

- Please await our arrival up the pass…and not to sell babe power short, the babe will await your arrival too!

- It is okay to spend the day riding alone, please don’t be hurt if we want some alone time. Check your cell phone for texts.

- Grow a beard.

- When you arrive to the 3rmb “shower place” – do not be an asshole because she took 20 minutes. (Alert: We are still ladies and enjoy a hot 50 cent shower every now and again.)

- Again, don’t be a jerk.

- We are women, there are things we physically can not do. Do not be an ass about it. (Women, get some muscles.)

- Again, DO NOT EVER, EVER…AGAIN…NEVER DOUBT her babe skills. (Ladies, do not ever emasculate a man on the road.)

- Granted, some of us babes are not the best mechanics. It’s much appreciated when you sit with us and guide us through hub maintenance and spoke repair. Do not just throw a tool in our hand and say, “do it”! and walk away. Seriously, wanna turn on a lady…help her with mechanics. Talk her through it and it’s a great time to show off your manly skills. Again, greatly appreciated.

- When setting up camp, aka squatting in parks or cities, take turns doing the beer run. Should be a 50/50 endeavor. Hey, actually, everything should be a 50/50 endeavor…anytime, anywhere.

- Compliment the babe’s bike. It means the world to her, as your’s does to you. If she offers you to give it a ride…you have made it to “buddy” level. Don’t be snarky about anything about her bike…ladies, be sure you return the compliments.

- Try to offer good conversation. It is also nice if you listen every now and again. Camp conversation revolving around you can get boring at times. Yeah, while we are on that one…be a good listener. In general…when it comes to discussing route/etc. Please do not be a “know it all”.

- Bottom line: Don’t be a douche, don’t doubt skills, do not expect the partner to take on more than 50% of responsibility…this goes for BOTH riders!

And ladies…don’t EVER expect a man to take on more than his responsibility. Don’t be a twat and be well prepared. Do not expect extra muscle power from him, do not expect for him to take on duties because he is a man. Do not whine, do not bitch, do not nag (he probably is running away from that shit at home) and keep your crying to a minimum…and hopefully somewhere private. In all reality, the crying is just because you need some private/deflation time. Men, do not joke the lady if you see her crying – again – you must realize we are different creatures.

Also, ladies, be sure to help the dude not use his beard as Tupperware. Don’t be afraid to offer help for picking knots and the beginning of dreads out of your male partner’s hair. It will probably be appreciated. Just be a lady, it’s as simple as that.

Comments are greatly appreciated, especially rules for babes meeting that dude on a bike.

Don’t be scared to ask for help and graciously accept when assistance is offered.

(Unless the “helper” is a Mongolian rascal that lives in Hulun Buir and drives a motorcycle with a blue fuzzy seat cover with the Beijing Olmpic’s icons on it and has a ring finger with gout.)

I don’t know what happened or how I developed an awful habit of not asking for help.  Maybe I thought it was a sign of weakness or a true character flaw if you couldn’t use resources to figure it for yourself.  There are some people that truly do think this – I have met a couple.  These are the same type of people that don’t seem to try anything new either – maybe for fear of failing because they refuse to ask for a helping hand.

When I first began planning this trip, May of 2009, I thought I could use all the books and maps and resources possible to get concrete answers and just move along my way.  Sure, maybe I’ll have to ask for help on my ride, but heck, I can figure this out…right?  WRONG!!!

Within a week or so I had sent out dozens and dozens of emails.  Hey! – you cyclists that think I have it “easy” because I have gear sponsorship – think again….hundreds of emails…HUNDREDS!…many go unanswered.

It’s not the most awesome feeling to ask for financial or additional support.  Especially coming from a Western culture where money is not discussed.  Here, in good ol’China – people just come right out with it.  No taboo or qualm about it at all.

In my very VERY early 30′s – I have this idea that I shouldn’t have to ask for financial help from friends and strangers…shouldn’t I be self sufficient.  Well, if we want to play the “be normal” game…shouldn’t I be married, own a home, and be on to my second child.  Yeah, don’t even let me meander down that road…………………..

When I first started along, I was a little shy about asking.  That shyness broke real fast!  I was traveling along the Grand Canal taking roads that weren’t even 2 meters wide and I’d be lucky to even see a bicycle pass.  I just followed the compass in one direction until I hit a populated area.  Stopping to check a compass became too time consuming so I just began to read direction by the sun – or by the which side of my calves were burning from the late afternoon sun.  (For some reason, the giant blue work trucks will throw the compass off if you are too close.  You can watch the needle swing like a pendulum as the trucks drive past too).

Rolling up into a small town or village, some will run right up to you and ask where you are going.  And in China – EVERYONE likes to give their opinion and advice.  Within in seconds people are pointing and debating which way.  Often times looking at my map and telling me what I already know.  How difficult can it be to ask for help in a country where nearly everyone WANTS to help you.

It’s kinda AWESOME and really helped teach me that it’s okay.  It’s really okay to say, “Wo milu. wo yao qu ….” 我迷路。我要去。。。

(Traveling in China…DO NOT ASK cops for help…more trouble than it’s worth.  UNLESS, you find yourself in a village of about 30 people in Hulun Buir and he is strolling along the dirt road.  Those coppers enjoyed posing me with some other coppers and taking a photo together examining my Passport/Visa.)

Besides asking for help, I’ve always had a difficult time accepting the offer of a little assistance.  Why?  Heck if I know…maybe I think it will make me lesser of a person…weak, inferior, etc.

Well, when you are exhausted, hot, hungry…you learn to accept all the handouts you possibly can.

There is one major exception – MY BIKE!  At first, I was a little tolerant of people wanting to help hook up the panniers.  But then it just got out of control with big ol’ man sausage fingers being stuck in between my spokes (that sounds a little perverted).  Finally, I broke…the biggest sausages and the most aggressive stranger to approach outside a hotel to “help”.  I pushed his hand back firmly and looked him straight in the eyes and said, no I can do it!  (No quotation marks because it was in Chinese).  Usually I let girls and women give it a go because they are less aggressive and harsh with things.  The last thing I need is a broken bag.  AND, females pay MUCH closer attention to how I do it so they do it nearly perfect themselves.  The men…oh THE MEN………….OH….they have their own way to handle.

(Dear Reader, can you sense the feelings I have for the opposite sex here?  This is for another very VERY long essay in the future.  In small towns and especially villages, the men are generally harmless and kind…but start getting into “cities” – it’s a whole ‘nuther story.  That will be also included in my “Rules of the Road – Women Edition”.  I’d love to write a research paper on this subject but I think it may be a little one sided as 90% of my sources would be women.   Does the problem lie with the fact that there are no men in the education system as teachers?  Children are raised my women generally, where the boy is coddled beyond belief?  Where are the role models?  Probably working, making money to support their family…I don’t know – it’s stuff that swims in my head every single day.)

I don’t know if “solo” is the right word for my trip.  The amount of help and advice I have been given, and still receive, is beyond belief.  Every day, for nearly 5 months, someone offered me help of some sort.  Whether it was handing me water out of a car window, offering me a ride (no way), route advice, etc.

What I’ve really realized is that when you, me, us, ask for help – we open up ourselves to others.  And with this relationship wonderful things can happen and evolve.  Sometimes, after riding for hours without any human contact or communication, I would pull over and ask a question I already knew just to see where it would lead me.  Okay, yeah yeah yeah…once it lead me to a dangerous place…but you get what I’m saying.

So, I went from being afraid to ask for help to just going up to strangers with questions that I didn’t need answered just for human interaction.

I have more about all this written in my journals, which probably sounds a little more poetic, but I thought I would share now.

Every day I wake up wondering where I would be…I check the weather every evening to see how cold it would be getting in the NW.  Every time I get on my cruiser or road bike here, I get butterflies in my stomach.  When I road Lieutenant home from the train station a couple weeks back – I have a feeling towards it that I have never felt towards an in-animate object in my life.  She/He has a life of it’s own and when I gaze at her/him, I feel like he/she is gazing back with the same thoughts, memories, and experiences.  Weird, bizarre, crazy…maybe…it’s kind of my best friend and an extension of myself.